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Its Not About Who's Right
By Maggie Vlazny, MSW, Sat Dec 10th
I see this so much in my office- couples wanting to re-hash aweek old argument and wanting me to judge who's right. Detail bydetail they correct each other, exactly who said what, who didwhat first, as if each admited detail is a score toward thefinish line. But nobody really gets anywhere because there are no winners inan argument between partners. If there's a winner that meansthere's a loser, which means the winner loses too. Losers don'tlike winners very much. (Which, by the way, leaves winners outin the cold with frostbite you know where. ) Relationships are not about opponents or gladiators. They'reabout loving your lover.
When you love you give the of empathy and
the benefit ofthe doubt. You understand that your partner is probably feelinghurt beneath the anger. You try to understand and ask for helpin understanding because you want to make it better. When you are loved you receive the of empathy and thebenefit of the doubt. You feel understood and appreciate theempathy and efforts of your partner. The more you are given, the more you receive. The more youreceive, the more you want to give. It becomes a lot easier than the win thing. copyright Maggie Vlazny, MSW 2005 About the author:Maggie is a Certified Imago Relationshiip Therapist in FlorhamPark, Morris County, NJ. See more athttp://www.florhamparkcounseling.com. Author requests link towebsite in exchange for the use of her article. Please notifywhen you are using it. Thank you.
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